As I currently no longer have a job I have the luxury of learning important life skills such as cooking, cleaning, and bathing. I have yet to conquer those specific skills, but they are definitely on the list.

Today I learned an important survival skill: how to paint an apartment. The knowledge I had about painting before beginning was, to say the least, limited. My entire knowledge of painting could really be summed up into a 5 word idiom which has served me well up until now: "Don't eat the paint chips". 

But today I wanted to learn more about the art of painting. Specifically I wanted to learn how to:

a) Get paint from a bucket onto a wall and

b) Whether drinking paint is really as bad as eating paint chips. 

I assume most people know the answer to a). It was surprisingly easy and extremely mundane. I got so bored during spackling that I decided to hire my favorite shiputznik to help out. He told me to go run to bnei brak and get another roller, and by the time I had returned (I stopped for pizza...) he had already finished a good part of it. I spent the next 5 hours doing the rest myself and testing my second hypothesis that drinking paint is just as bad as eating paint. 

Don't worry I didn't eat it, but I did check it out on the internet. Apparently paint isn't so bad for you anymore as they don't put lead in it anymore. It's no more harmful than eating glue, which as we know from Billy Madison, is not that unhealthy either. So really the answer to b) is drinking paint is safer than eating paint chips, because paint chips may still have lead in them. 

I am really happy I looked into this as I also found this Yahoo! Answers question: I'm 8 month old pregnant and im eating paint chips chalk for last 5 months is it harmful to my baby?

Priceless.

Today was pretty fun. I got some exercise (at least some physical movement), learned a new skill, and got extremely dirty. Now it's time to get started on learning that bathing skill...

The paint job is still not complete, but hey that's what tomorrow is for...

Last night was Yom Hazikaron, which means all stores must legally close by 7 o'clock. This literally means all stores: No grocery, no restaurants, nothing. I was only informed of this at 6:50 so I quickly ran to the grocery store to buy food for dinner but they wouldn't let me in because they were, obviously, closing. I then ran to the next closest store, the falafel store, and was the last customer they allowed to purchase anything. There were over a dozen other people that ran in after me, but by that time the police were going up and down the block with their megaphone and sirens yelling at stores for staying open past 7. I felt like I was in some dictatorship with the police enforcing curfew.

In the end I was Baruch Hashem able to get my falafel and it was heavenly, just a perfecet mix of salad, chumus and french fries. And then I took a bite into a delicious falafel ball and everything went down hill from there.

My back right molar, which already has a large filling in it, started to hurt. The best description of this pain would be like someone took a large needle and was willy nilly inserting it into my nerve. It was like having a root canal with no novacaine. Needless to say, after I finished the falafel ball (chewing on the opposite side of my mouth) I decided to stop eating, finish up my work and head home. I went home, posted a request for an english speaking dentist in Tel Aviv on Janglo, drugged myself and went to sleep.

The next day the pain was still there, albeit much less but enough to have me worried, but I had no responses from Janglo. I then did a billion searches and still couldn't find any English speaking dentists in Tel Aviv. I then called random English speaking dentists in Jerusalem that I found on the internet, pretended to not know they only work in J'lem and then asked if they could recommend anyone in Tel Aviv. NONE of them knew of anyone either! (Although some were helpful and said they would check with their colleagues and let me know).

In the end I went with a random 24/7 dentist in Tel Aviv that said they speak English... (to be continued)

Today I went to my favorite barber (or hair stylist as I believe he likes to be called), to, once again, get a haircut.

[Brackets are translations for the even less adept at Hebrew than myself.]

Barber looks at my hair before cutting.
Barber: Yesh l'lecha harbeh (word I don't know). [You have lots of blah blah.]
Me: Ma? [What'chyou talking about?]
Barber: Lavan. [White].
Me thinking, he is telling me I have white hair?
Barber (to others waiting): Eich omrim (that word again)? [How do you say blah blah?]
Waiting woman: Dandruff
Barber: You have eh, dandruff.
Me: Thank you.
Barber: You have a lot of dandruff.
Me: Um... thank you a lot?

I am still considering switching barbers. Not really because I was insulted (I'm a proud Head and Shoulders user), but as I mentioned last time, the only discussion I want to have with the barber concerning hair is: "short, leave the payos". I do not want a barber recommending new hair styles or shampoos. This guy used to have a normal hair like myself and then his barber was like, you know wouldn't it be cool if...

Please note: The address of this blog will be changing soon. I need to become anonymous (to the world) so that I can say more ridiculous things. I am thinking the current name is a bit too obvious. Any suggestions? Hit the email.

Oh yeah, and lots of awesome stuff have happened since I last posted so I have lots of material.

I arrived to Israel on Wednesday Oct. 10th - sorry if I haven't spoken with any of you but I've just been so busy getting things in order.


I spent Wednesday mainly unpacking, sleeping and getting lost in Givat Shmuel. It's amazing, no matter how small the town I still can't seem to figure it out.

The food situation is a bit crazy since its a shmita year. I learned all about the halachot/politics of otzar beit din, badatz, heter mechira... I still have not made up my mind on what to do. Glatt meat will also be an issue... Overall, the first day was pretty low key.

Thursday I woke up at 6 AM which was amazing - I've never been a morning person but I'm considering becoming one. I went to minyan, where I went unnoticed (or at least no one said hello...), which I took as a compliment that I don't look like that much like a tourist.

I went rollerblading through town to learn the area better which was fun. Not too many hills which is great for convenience but terrible for the fun factor. No 190th/Overlook hill anymore. My electric scooter actually would have served me decently here, but it's usually more convenience to cut through grassy areas than go on the streets.

I opened a bank account which took 2 hours (!) but I did it all in Hebrew so I was very proud after. The woman even presumed that I would want all my statements to be sent to me in Hebrew - to which I insisted I really need them to be in English as I have no idea what you have been saying for the last two hours and I have just been nodding yes to everything. (I wish Morah Dafna could see me now...) I was most probably taken for a ride as I will not be getting interest and will actually be paying the bank to use my money, but supposedly this is how it is done in Israel. This is really very depressing and I think says a lot about the state of the economy.

I then went to J'lem which takes an hour :( where I purchased a cell phone finally. Once again I had to make do entirely in Hebrew. Here I felt I was once again taken advantage of as I spent over 600 shekel ($150 - I converted for less than 4:1 yesterday!) for a phone they used in the stone age. Once again, my friends ensured me that this is the way it is done in Israel. The whole thing is a bit ridiculous - I also needed a bank account before being able to buy a cell phone and I couldn't even get international calling as I need an Israeli credit card for that. Crazy crazy country.

I then went to yeshiva and was glad to see a bunch of people I knew. I love that no matter how many years out there are always people still there. It was fun visiting rabbanim as well. Max was in America though - so I will have to catch up with him at a later date.

For shabbos I will be with my cousins (Jay and Daniel) in J'lem who are here studying for the year. Should be excellent.

Few notes:

(Some) of the food here is incredible. I have always heard Burgers bar was good but I was always skeptical - it's just a hamburger... But when I had it in the tachanat hamercazi in J'lem I was blown away - WOW! I can't explain it. I don't know what they feed those cows but boy are they tasty. It may have had to do with the sauces they put on it. I noticed the 3 people ahead of me on line all got chimichuri (?) on their burgers so I followed though. America must get this chimichuri and manufacture it in mass quantities. (I will send a sample via FedEx to whomever would like to taste if you cover charges.)

I also tried to order an ice coffee today from Aroma and ordered something on the menu in Hebrew that I thought meant Iced Coffee but most definitely was not. It was really excellent though.

People have told me the cost of living in Israel is cheaper but I have yet to see this... For some prices on things I have bought...
28 NIS deoderant
9 NIS 4 bars of soap
600 NIS cell phone
100 NIS + per month for phone plan
20 NIS shampoo
16 NIS Iced Coffee (or whatever it was...)

Rent is cheaper but the rooms are not quite American living standards (even Wash. Heights). It feels like Yeshiva.

Well that is enough from me today - there are obviously hundreds of stories and insights from the last few days that I will hopefully share with y'all in the future, but I don't feel like typing them now.

Have a good shabbos!